


I Should Have

by Eien_Ni



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol, Grief/Mourning, M/M, POV Armin Arlert, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 03:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12761874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eien_Ni/pseuds/Eien_Ni
Summary: Armin comes across Captain Levi mourning in his own way.





	I Should Have

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up entirely different than what I had planned, but basically it came about because of a headcanon of mine that deals with rings.

The night was quiet and still, a full moon glowing brightly in the sky, surrounded by hundreds of stars. Armin paused on his way back to the barracks and glanced up, smiling. It had been a tough few weeks, but he was dealing with what had happened, making peace with the fact that he was now a Titan shifter.

He stifled a yawn. Hanji had kept him in their office late, talking through strategies and options, and he’d been up since the dawn. He was exhausted. A noise to his right startled him, and he automatically reached for his blades, even though he didn’t have the 3dmg on. He relaxed upon seeing Levi there, sitting on the wooden walkway outside the officers’ building.

“Captain Levi,” Armin said. “You’re still awake.”

“Don’t sleep much,” he answered with a slur to his words.

Armin frowned as he noticed the bottle in the captain’s hand. “Are you… Are you drunk, Sir?” He asked timidly.

“Probably.” Levi simply shrugged, tossed back the mouthful of alcohol left in the bottle, and then set it down hard on the wooden walkway outside the officers’ building. One of his hands was clenched into a fist, resting on his knee, and he opened it then, staring at whatever was there before squeezing his fingers closed again.

“Captain Levi?” Armin asked quietly. He’d seen the flash of silver in the moonlight, and it worried him, with the captain drinking. “What do you have?

Levi chuckled darkly. “You think I might have a knife, Armin? Worried that I might do something stupid?” The young teen stayed silent, brows furrowed, and Levi cursed, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s not a knife. Here. Take a look.” Levi held the item out to Armin, who took it carefully.

It was a plain silver chain necklace looped through two equally plain silver rings, one smaller than the other.

“Rings?” Armin said in surprise, wide eyes darting up to Levi, who was just sitting there and staring at the small objects twirling on the necklace. “Did they belong to your parents?”

Levi was quiet for a time, and he lifted shaky fingers to the rings, reverently. “No,” he whispered. “They’re mine. They’re both mine now.”

Armin fairly squawked and nearly dropped the necklace, watching as Levi, with reflexes that should be impossible for someone as drunk as he was, caught it before it fell. “You were married?”

Levi cupped the rings in his hand, tracing a finger against them. “Yup.”

Silence reigned as Armin struggled with what to say. It was obvious that Levi’s wife… or husband… had died. Or had Levi’s spouse decided that they’d had enough of being married to a Survey Corps member? After all, there were only a handful of them left, and they had come very close to not coming back. Either one of those options could account for his drinking.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Armin murmured. “If… If you don’t mind my asking, what happened to them?”

“Dead.”

Armin frowned. He’d heard that drunk people had a tendency to switch personalities, and he’d assumed that Levi would be the same. Not talking very much while sober, but talking nonstop while drunk. Apparently, he’d been mistaken. “How long were you married?”

“Six years today.”

The answer was so soft Armin almost missed it. He opened his mouth to ask Levi to repeat it, when it struck him. Today was the captain’s wedding anniversary. He shuffled awkwardly, not sure what to say in this situation. While he’d lost his parents and his grandpa, he’d never lost someone he’d been in love with. “I’m sor -”

“I don’t want your pity or apologies,” Levi snapped, standing suddenly to face Armin. He staggered and threw a hand out to brace himself against the wall. “Fuck. Fuck.”

Armin stepped forward to help steady him. The last thing the Survey Corps needed was their strongest fighter to break a bone, but Levi shoved him backwards and pointed a finger at him. “You… Stay the fuck away from me. I don’t want your help. I don’t need your help. I don’t need…” He trailed off and wobbled, but Armin didn’t move, didn’t speak.

Armin could only stand there in horror and watch as Levi, the most stoic person he’d ever met, sink to the ground and cover his face in his hands and weep. “Fuck you,” Levi gasped. “ _Fuck you, Erwin._ I should have...”

And then Armin understood.

He’d always wondered if there had been more to the Commander and Captain’s relationship, but he’d figured that it was really none of his business and hadn’t asked anyone. Now he had confirmation, and not only that, but Armin was the reason the Commander wasn’t here. Levi had chosen to give the serum to him instead, allowing Erwin - his _husband_ \- to die. Armin pressed a hand to his mouth, feeling like he was going to be sick.

What should he say? No, what _could_ he say? Nothing he said would be able to make this better, ease the captain’s pain and sorrow. He took a step back and wavered, wanting to leave and yet not wanting to leave Levi alone.

In the end, he was saved by Hanji coming over, their remaining eye sad and red-rimmed. “Please, Armin,” they urged, “don’t take anything he said to heart. He’s hurting right now, and tomorrow, he’ll likely be embarrassed for how he behaved.”

Armin shook his head wildly. “No, it… It’s fine, trust me.” He glanced over at Levi, whose body was still shaking with the force of his sobs. “I just wish that I could do something to help.”

_I wish that the Commander could be here,_ remained unspoken between the two of them, and Hanji smiled grimly, understanding. “Go on to bed, Armin. I’ll watch the captain.”

Nodding, the teen turned and walked a few steps, then peered over his shoulder just in time to see Hanji plop down beside Levi and wrap an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. Surprisingly, Levi allowed it and seemed to collapse onto Hanji. Armin’s gaze drifted to Levi’s hand, which still tightly clutched the rings.

Tears came to Armin’s eyes unbidden, and he hurried away, Levi’s last words to him haunting him for the rest of the night.

_I should have..._

**Author's Note:**

> Three guesses as to what Levi was going to say to Armin.


End file.
